DRAWN OUT

Now that the old memories have been clouded over

With the shadows of the now,

I find myself wishing-

Wishing I could pull out the good days

From the tangle of memories you hold in your palm,

Draw out those threads

And run them across the length of my fingers,

Carefully push them through a needle

And weave them into the fabric around my shoulders.

Until you cannot see one thread from another

And the colours seep through skin and muscle,

Leaving a warmth only nostalgia can provide.

UNMASK

Unmask.

You can let go now.

No one’s watching, but me.

Let the barriers break,

Let the walls crumble

To dust.

Loosen up,

And let the inhibitions

Slip from between your fingers like sand.

Unclothe

And let the secrets show,

Let me see them in the light

Glowing from the scars on your chest.

Open your eyes, truly, honestly,

Let me see you for who you are.

Wash your face with salty tears

That were held back for too long.

Let your lashes drip

With the sadness you hide behind wit,

And your palms bleed

With the shards of glass you’ve been holding onto.

Let your shoulders fall,

You have been upright and strong all this time.

You can let go now.

You can crumble, collapse.

You can let go now.

Individual Worlds

Boundless Rebelling Mind

We’re always so engrossed
In our own sweet little worlds.
A world of worlds around us,
Each so ignorant and cold.

Countless souls to contemplate,
And yet I know but one.
I lose myself, and still I can’t
escape myself, not once.

I drown in my indulgence
Till I look up and see
Someone with their own fears and joys,
Someone who isn’t me.

If I could hold the thought
that there’s thoughts that I don’t see…
If I could just perceive that lives
go on unknown to me…

If I looked up to find a world
So distant from my own,
And realized that they’d still be
If I did not look on…

“They’d never understand”, I think,
“The things I’m going through”;
Always fail to figure that
They think this of me too.

A mess of lives I’ve never met
Each as compound as mine.
The interactions, losses…

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THE LETTER ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE

There is a letter on my bedside table.

It has ink splatters and torn edges,

And sentences that run onto one-another.

I cannot read the words anymore.

My vision is blurry.

I’m sitting on my floor, holding

The remains of childish hope.

It feels like pieces of glass,

Scratching me along the lines on my palms,

Destroying fate with violent passion.

I cannot breathe.

The air is filled with a familiar scent.

It chokes me.

Tired, I lay my hands flat on the ground,

Let the blood stain the marble,

Give myself to reality,

Surrender.

Let it take control

Until it finally saves me.

THE SEA INSIDE HER

There is a sea inside her

And it isn’t calm.

It has strong currents,

And waves that crash

Onto each-other painfully,

Always conflicted, constantly colliding.

She has a head full of dreams

Made in hurried sketches

And an unending passion

In glowing eyes.

She has an attractive brokenness,

A crack in the glass

That lets the light go in and out.

She has an untidy mind and

A scattered laugh,

Like a thousand marbles

Thrown into the air.

She has scars where the waves cut too deep

And the sand there glows a bright gold,

Even as the world sees her as grey.

UNCLASP

I embraced your ripped edges.

I broke off pieces of my soul,

So it would fit with yours

Like a jigsaw puzzle.

I dug the ground under my feet

And brought forth the bones of my past,

So we could wallow in self pity

Together.

I built walls of denial around me

Every brick weighed down by the next,

So we could live alone forever,

Like you wanted.

But when the time came,

You rose from the ashes,

Leaving behind the dark embers,

Smoldering.

You walked over my broken pieces,

While climbing out of the hole

And walked through the walls,

Leaving me alone.

INANIMATE

There’s a freedom you find in art, in creativity. It cannot be satisfactorily explained, really. But something in you changes when you find art that speaks to you. It’s like the doors in your mind are opened. It’s like when the windows are opened in an old, musty room. And suddenly, the air is fresh again and the dust all flies away. Finally, you can see the space the room holds. That’s what it is like. You find your heartbeat. You feel it, become aware of it. Energy cruises through your body. Energy to do something you didn’t dare to do earlier. It is electric. Passionate. Nothing else matters anymore and for the time being, you see and hear nothing else. It’s odd, isn’t it, that something inanimate can bring so much alive in you.

CONSTANT

Some things never change. People change, they do. But situations, occurrences of the past, they remain and they stay. A fight that has occurred in the past will remain. The problem may be solved, happiness may be restored, but the fact is, a fight happened, and now it is stored in the pages of the past permanently.

Look at us. We’ve changed. So much. I don’t know you anymore. And you don’t know me. We knew different versions of each-other. But years have passed and we changed. We both know small parts of each-other now- bits and pieces, here and there, which survived the trials of time. But time took away so much of us and replaced it with different patched up pieces. And we don’t know that about each-other anymore.

We fought. That does not change. You hurt me, I hurt you. That does not change. But look at how we’ve grown. I still strongly maintain that it was for the better. Because look at us now, on individual paths of self-discovery that we weren’t allowing each other to tread earlier. We are growing. I can see that in you because I still know that small part of you. I don’t know if you see it in me, but it is happening.

And you know what else does not change? The fact that you are important to me, the fact that we had a great run, the fact that I still care for you. That does not change.

WHAT WRITING MEANS TO ME

I cannot explain what you have given me. You have given me hope that there lies something beyond this mess, beyond this chaos, that we must seek. You have given me freedom that I cannot put into words. You have shown me how much more there is to this world, how much more there is to discover. You have given me strength in times when I have felt powerless. You have helped me survive and grow. You have helped me make sense of people, and why they do what they do. You have added methodical madness to this insanity. You are the only reason I know what I do. You are the only way I understand the world around me. You have given meaning to my thoughts and wings for them to fly wherever and whenever they wish. You are the only reason this place makes sense to me.