LONELY BREATHS

Her brain was a whirlwind of ideas, thoughts, elaborate plans. She saw things others didn’t. She felt things unique only to her flesh. She was a special being. Extraordinary, even. That’s what the world thought. She could see it in their eyes. The way they looked at her like she was an exotic animal in a zoo. They feasted their eyes on her, thinking she didn’t notice. Sometimes she saw people appreciating her, sometimes evaluating her and sometimes criticizing her. But they were always judging. Good, bad or horrible- it was a judgement. So she taught herself to revel in the attention. She walked with her head high, chin up. Nose in the air, she never spoke to anyone. For despite their appreciations and criticisms, no one ever wanted to talk to her. No one ever actually spoke to her.  She didn’t know how it felt to have a deep discussion. She had never felt the comfort of strong arms around her shoulders. She had never had an argument with anyone nor a full blown fight. Comfort, warmth, intimacy were only words to her. She tried imagining it. She tried thinking how it would be to feel that. But they were only imaginations. Desires that seemed so distant. It was like the desire to jump on a cloud but knowing that all a cloud is is gases that would never hold you, or give you support. To the world she was strong. But she cried herself to sleep. To the world she was different. But all she wanted was to belong. To the world she was an oddity so they never even wondered that maybe just maybe, she needed some ordinariness too.

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